Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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