I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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