Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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