I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
