I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
