I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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