A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
bring money and cleavage
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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