I like my sex mixed with concussions.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
