Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
