Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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