NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
