You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize