The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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