just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
