Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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