I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
