what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
