I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
