All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
a search helicopter?!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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