You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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