I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
