is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I won't apologize to a one balled man
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize