Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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