What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
