Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
