I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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