Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
