Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
