Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hippo gnu deer
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
