Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
