Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
