So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's Friday. Sex?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
