dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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