Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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