What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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