So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
