guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
