I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
