3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
