Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
