Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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