Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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