I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
