I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
