I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
