now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
