; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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