Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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