You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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