I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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