Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
