My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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