make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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