Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
