fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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