Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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