honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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