is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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