I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
