Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize