Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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