Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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