hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
whose ass print is on the piano?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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