you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize