Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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