just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
