Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
