I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
