areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
