I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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