Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize