If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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