i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
