fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We talked him into tasing himself.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
